Another day dawned in the global Godocalypse. DOOM was busy relaxing in the Sated Spectre discussing who had and had not received invitations to the Monty Cristo street party. Lord Lanceabit had but could not really remember any details and the various other party members of lower birth or even lower Demi Human status had not. Just as things were about to descend into name calling and petty recriminations a GORGEOUS woman walked into the bar room. While the collective lower jaws of all the males in the room dropped to the floor the sultry Beauty asked to speak to Reginald. He of course immediately combed his hair and made himself enthusiastically available.
Kerreth looked on with envy piercing her ordered little Elven lack of Soul. Other members of DOOM just stood staring in disbelief, never having encountered such a beauty before. As this paragon of gorgeousness leant over to whisper to Reginald his eyes got very large and he immediately began nodding with all his charm and vigour. She asked for a room to stay and Reginald began to immediately approach Kerreth to give up her room at whatever cost. The identity of the mysterious stunner was deepened with the immediate promise of 10,000 gp for the room.
What could make the stingy and frankly unlovable Reginald so desperate? All was revealed as she sat and ate some sausages (tasting of chicken). This raven headed beauty was none other than the Avatar of the Goddess Shar, Mistress of the night and the most beautiful goddess DOOM had ever met. (A Daemon Queen with Tentacles in your dreams simply does not rate) As the Goddess ate and DOOM whispered at each other in the background. Lanceabit sidled up to her and tried out his dead cert pick up technique. The conversation went something like this:
Lanceabit :“Hi, I am a Lord”
Goddess Shar: Hi I am a Hot Goddess”
Lanceabit:”You said it babe! Want me to hit someone for you? How bout the Gnome? I worship Chaos….its cool. I can take my helmet off if you like…
Goddess Shar: “No Don’t bother removing your Helmet, I like my Men Hard
Lanceabit (encouraged): Have you met my queen? Large lady, tentacles, Big Spear…..Do you come to this plane often. Actually just as well about the helmet I am not sure it comes off anyway.
After finishing her meal of uncertain origin Shar told DOOM she had a job for them. She wanted to play a trick on her hateful goodie two shoed sister Selune. DOOM immediately said yes. She wanted one of the supporters of Selune taken out, Ibrandul lesser power of creeping around in the dark. DOOMs was tasked with finding his headquarters/temple in the city. DOOM ever the willing Lapdogs for a Greater God said YES.
After sending out the spy network The Blade tavern was discovered as being the best source and somewhere to start. DOOM immediately set out but were almost at their destination when suddenly, as if from a random encounter table, a disreputable fellow in robes and a wand stopped them in the street. He announced that he was a messenger of the one true god and asked if DOOM was too. As every member of DOOM follows a one true God they all of course answered yes.
DOOM bandied theological debate with this Cretan until Lanceabit, no longer able to control his natural propensity to hit Lawful Idiots, drew Bedlam and began to stride forward. Whereupon the mage of Bane, used his wand to ineffectually ping him twice. Just as Lanceabit reached him a hole appeared under him and he fell from view as Bedlam whistling through the space where his neck had been.
Kerreth managed to release a barrage of magic missiles that followed him down the hole. Thraim then dived 30 feet down the hole executed a tumble manoeuvre and only slightly wounded himself. The mage attempted to turn Thraim into something smaller and nastier but was eventually stopped by a swinging mace.
Thraim’s plan then fell apart as no rope could be found to help him out of this 30 foot hole. Unbeknownst at the top Cyric was entertaining the crowd with a show of amazing acting and general silly activity. DOOM moved off at a rapid pace with the mages wand intact. Approaching the tavern across the street was another Tavern called the Underdark and beside it sat an adventuring Supplies shop. DOOM entered the shop and immediately convinced the shop clerk that they were after the secret place to rest in the Underdark (probably protected by Ibrandul and therefore his HQ), but first had to find some missing fire lizard eggs, that were stolen by an accomplice of Sly’s.
He didn’t want to take the extremely Lawful or Highly Chaotic with him. So Reginald, Cyric and Sly spoke to him to discover where the Egg’s might have been taken and by who. Oddly, Sly also seemed to know who might have taken them, and somehow remembered the exact house where the thieves were located. The house was surveyed and later that night, DOOM sneaky members arrived upstairs, picking locks and silently entering the upstairs area. Sly had claimed to Kerreth that he was the owner of the establishment and therefore it wasn’t a break in. The individual behind a table looked surprised at his predicament and began to deny all. Thraim and Lanceabit, bored to tears after failing to count to 50 arrived upstairs. After not responding to Lanceabits shouted dismemberment threats due to his lack of intimidation skill, the obvious thief began to be questioned with the aid of a successful ESP spell from Sly. It was revealed that he had sold the Fire lizard eggs to a Fence on Dock street called FUBAR.
Session ends. Tune in next week when
Reginald will be heard to say “allow me to grovel and worship the contents of your Chamber pot”
Lanceabit will be heard to say “This Smells funny” and “DIEEEE!”
Thraim will be heard to say “ But there is a lot of Protein in a Human Leg”
Kerreth will be heard to say “Shhh I am organising my Sock drawer by time owned, Colour and general Sexiness”
Sly will be heard to say “ Yes My Dark Master, the time to reveal my Evilness to the world will be soon”
Cyric will be heard to say “No I do not want a Shortsword, You have the wrong Cyric”